How to avoid fruitless talking stages

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Achem Deborah

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Jul 1, 2022
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The first step to any relationship is communication. This is an essential step needed to further develop a relationship in any form, be it business or casual. It is at this point of communication that an individual can detect whether a relationship is headed somewhere or not. However, Sometimes, we find ourselves in relationships we did not endorse, and this can lead to being in what is called “situationships” in the 21st century.

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with being on a talking stage with anyone. As humans, we thrive on communication and this can differ according to people, places, environment, and emotions. Although, if you currently find yourself in talking stages that lead nowhere, here are some steps you can take to avoid repetition.

Define your relationships
According to the late Myles Munroe, “When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable”. When you find yourself “talking” to someone every day without a clear definition of what you intend to get from that person, you may end up being disappointed in the long run. To define your relationships, you should be able to answer these questions.

Is this person a friend?
Someone you’d like to date?
A crush?
Or Just another individual?

When you find answers to these questions, you will be able to handle the steering wheel of that talking stage and lead it to where you want it to be. Otherwise, you might either get thrown out of the bus or left alone in it.


Make your intentions clear
A good number of people communicate in a blurry manner. They do not know how to say the things they want to say, and this can affect the comprehension of both parties. If you like someone and you would want to be with them, ensure that you make your intentions known. The fear of rejection might only hurt you more in the long run. Who knows? They might also be interested in you. However, if they are not, it would save you the stress of having to spend so much time and energy talking to someone who sees no future with you. So to avoid fruitless talking stages, ensure that you make your intentions known. This would erase any form of ambiguity or assumptions in the long run

Avoid assumptions
Very often, Assumptions lead to great disappointments. No one is psychic, this is why communication is a vital point of every relationship. If you need answers to questions, ask them. Do not assume that the other person is acting a certain way because of something they heard, saw, or found out. Be prepared to ask difficult questions in order to get clear answers. Remember, the earlier you know what they want from you, the better for your emotional state of mind. If you keep assuming that they like you because they act a certain way without them being explicitly clear about their intentions, you may find yourself alone in this boat. Avoid future tears by asking present questions.


Know what you want
Some people go into relationships without putting their needs into consideration. This is very dangerous to both parties because one person can get affected by another’s lack of vision. When you do not know what you want, you attract anything available. This can be basic and you might eventually settle for less. To avoid another fruitless talking stage, sit down and think carefully about what you want in a person. This way, when they show you what you do not want, it would be easier to let go of them instead of hopelessly hanging on.

Understand your personality
For extroverts, it may be easy to talk to others and get into the networking world. This is a sharp contrast to introverts who do not have the skills of social exploration and the vigor of meeting new people. Nonetheless, if you discover that you attract a specific group of the opposite gender that does not encourage you in any way, figure it out. It might be the right time to discover why certain people are drawn to you. Think about what you do, how you present yourself to the world, the things you say, and the things you represent. This can help you in narrowing down your choices and giving room only to people you can create a form of connection.

Avoid stringing people
If you realize that you are not compatible with an individual during the initial talking stage, let them know. Ensure that you properly communicate the reasons why both of you can not work in the future and let them go. Some people are not courageous enough to tell people that they do not like them or see a future with them anymore. When you fail to tell people where they stand in your life, it can give room to assumptions which can eventually lead to hurts and disappointments on their part. Do not be the person that strings an individual along with no plans to be in their life. Let go and be open to other people.

As we go through life, there is a tendency that we will meet people who we find attractive. This might evolve into constant communication which may eventually lead to a relationship. Nonetheless, ensure that you keep these steps in mind with every “new person” you encounter. Save yourself the stress of wasting your time and energy by protecting your emotions from the wrong people.